Mortal Kombat: The Mortification of Quan Chi 2
by Spider-2099
Summary: Quan Chi is back, but now he must take the most annoying with him to the battle of Armageddon: his mother. Little does he know, a certain Edenian kunoichi has been waiting for him.


Not exactly sure why, but yeah, I decided to do another one of these. Be warned, this one's a bit heavier, and or course, a couple of the people couldn't be more OOC.

* * *

Edenia was in chaos. The gloomy sky thundered with flashes of lightning. In the midst of the rugged Edenian field, an epic battle was about to be joined.

Two sides began to converge on one another: those who cared not for the fate of the realms, and those who fought to preserve them. The supposed 'Forces of Darkness' all charged screeching and chanting like lunatics; the ruler of Hell Shinnok, the ninja specter Scorpion, the saurian Reptile, and the Red Dragon warrior Mavado to name a few.

"No!" a deep, raspy voice screamed from the back. "Wait up!" the sorcerer Quan Chi cried (in his MK vs. DC costume).

"FASTER, YOU BITCH!" the sorcerer's mother, known only as 'Ms. Chi', shouted as she slapped her son on the back of his head.

The battle of the century, and the arch sorcerer of the Netherrealm was stuck piggy-backing his 2 ton mother onto the battlefield.

Quan's knees wobbled as he struggled to keep up with his group of fellow 'villains'. Normally, being a demon, Quan Chi could easily outrun any Earthrealm vehicle, but his mother was-on the hefty side, to say the least.

Ms. Chi's pale, blubbery mass weighed in at a whopping 4,000 pounds, effectively crippling her son's amazing natural speed. "Mother," Quan hissed. "Of all the times to ruin things-YOU CHOOSE NOW!" for that, he received another slap.

"DON'T YOU DARE TALK TO ME THAT WAY, YOU FUCKING MORON!" another slap struck the sorcerer's bald head, which began to redden due to his mother's grotesquely long claws. "I RAISED YOU! I DESERVE RESPECT-"

"MOTHER! YOU GAVE ME AWAY TO SHINNOK WHEN I WAS AN INFANT FOR NETHERREALM NARCOTICS!"

"DAMMIT! WHO TOLD YOU THAT! SHINNOK'S RING MUST BE IN JEOPARDY!"

"I'm not stupid, mother, despite popular opinion. In fact, I was quite smart for my age-"

"SHUT UP! THEY'RE LEAVING US BEHIND! FASTER!" Quan tried to put some pep in his step, but his knees both felt like they were about to shatter like glass.

The two sides collided. Long time rivals instantly engaged one another, hellbent on ending their enmity once and for all.

Once Quan made it to them, he skidded to a stop in front of the battleground. "Now, Quan. Go kick some ass for momma!"

"I cannot, unless you get off!" the sorcerer spat.

"YOU STUPID LITTLE-" she dug into Quan skull, making him screech. Just then, Quan's cheek was sliced open by a flying razor edged boomerang.

"OW! WHAT THE!"

"Oh, if it isn't the little momma's boy," the green-clad Edenian ninja landed in front of Quan (in her Deception alternate costume) as she caught her Razor-Rang, Bo Staff drawn and poised to strike.

"YOU GODDAMN WENCH!" Quan roared.

"Good one, honey!" Ms. Chi laughed.

Jade laughed. "Oh, gimme a break. Ever since that big ass tub of lard on your back came along, you've been nothing but a push over, Quan Chi."

"WHY YOU!" Ms. Chi screamed. "KILL THIS BITCH, QUAN! She's insulted us! Plus she's hot and has my dream body! KILL HER!"

Quan lowered his mother, much to her dismay. "Okay." he tossed Jade a death-glare and cracked his knuckles.

The beautiful Edenian woman only giggled, an evil smirk on her face. "Bring it on, you pussy."

"HAHAH!" Ms. Chi laughed. "Good one-wait! Why am I agreeing with you! YOU'RE THE ENEMY!"

"Because I'm dangerously sexy?" Jade said proudly, striking an suggestive pose and smacking her own ass.

"Enough!" Quan bellowed. "You die! NOW!" he launched his Skull Fireball at Jade...but, much to Quan's horror, the ninja only laughed and swatted the skull aside with her Bo Staff. "WHAT!" he shouted. "THAT SHOULD HAVE RIPPED THROUGH YOU!"

"Face it, Uncle Fester." Jade grinned. "Ever since your mother showed up, you haven't trained as nearly as much and lost all your strength. Boo-fuckin-hoo." she proceeded to laugh hysterically.

"NO! IT CAN'T BE!" Quan stared at his own hands worriedly. He debated throwing his Rising Star kick at Jade, but knew it wouldn't work.

"QUAN, NO!" Ms. Chi screamed. "HOW COULD YOU LET YOURSELF GET WEAK! YOU GODDAMN DUMBASS!" she pushed past Quan. "FINE! I'LL KILL THIS BITCH MYSELF!"

"Bring it on, Weight Watchers!" Jade easily evaded Ms. Chi's savage claw swings before plunging her Bo spear-head first into the demon's chest. Blood instantly sputtered from Ms. Chi's mouth, as she stopped in her tracks.

"F...fuck...you..." she fell the ground in a crumpled heap before Jade yanked her staff out.

"M-mother?" Quan went wide eyed. "N-no. It...she can't be...!"

"Awwww," Jade taunted. "Is the sorcerer grieving for his mommy?"

"THANK YOU!" Quan grinned broadly. He ran up to Jade and enthusiastically shook her hand. "THANK YOU SO MUCH! YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH I APPRECIATE THIS!"

"Don't go thanking me, idiot." Jade smirked before stabbing Quan's foot with her Bo.

"OW!"

"I still have to kill you." the Edenian ninja laughed. "Wow...you are such a loser, you know that?"

"W-WAIT!" Quan shouted. "I-I could repay you somehow! I'll do your laundry! I'll pay you ample gold coins!"

"Well, the money sounds nice. But its not worth it." she replied.

"Please! I'll do anything!" Quan cowered as Jade slowly strolled toward him.

"Before I kill your sorry ass..." she said, eyes narrowing and grinning malignantly. "Lets get a laugh out of you, shall we?" she swiped the spear end of her Bo Staff at his belt.

"By the gods, no..." Quan went wide eyed as his pants slid down to his ankles.

Everyone, those 'good', those 'evil', all somehow knew what had happened to Quan. The whole field of warriors all turned...and proceed to bust out laughing at the sorcerer.

From atop the balcony of the Edenian Ruins, Taven and the elemental firespawn Blaze observed the scene. "Strange...this is...most unexpected." the demigod uttered. He then let out a grunt of utter disgust and glanced away upon laying eyes on Quan Chi's nude form.

"What are they doing!" Blaze spat.

Meanwhile, back down on the field, everyone continued to laugh their ass off at the heartbroken sorcerer. "I'm a demon, you dumbass! I'm not suppose to have a heart!" Quan shouts at Spider-2099, who shrugs.

"OH MAN!" Johnny Cage shouted, clutching his gut (in his Deadly Alliance costume). "Look at his little penis! I bet he has to hold it up with tweezers to piss!" he laughed. Jade enthusiastically threw down her Bo and fell to her hands and knees, laughing wildly at his comment.

"SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUUUUT! UUUU-" Quan is cut off when Johnny literally decapitates him with a vicious uppercut, effectively ending the miserable existence of Quan Chi, former arch sorcerer of the Netherrealm.

"UH! JOHHNY!" Jade shouts after looking up to see the dead Oni sorcerer. "I wanted to kill him!"

"Hey, you were too busy laughing like a maniac, babe." Cage laughed. He then gave the Edenian girl's body an appreciative stare from where she was on all fours on the ground and grinned menacingly. "You know Jade, that's a good position for you-" she turned and flung her Razor Rang at him, instantly decapitating one of Earthrealm's biggest stars.

Jade gave a mock gasp as Cage's headless body fell to the ground. "Oops," she giggled.

* * *

So yeah, I'll admit, Jade killing Johnny was random, I just kind of spilt it out onto the page, lol. When I was deciding which good guy I would make all arrogant, I had wanted to use Kung Lao when I thought of Jade, and figured she'd be a cooler choice, XD. Anyway, I apologize for the strong language.

On a random side note, I really like Quan Chi's Rising Star kick. If he's in the new game I hope he has it, lol, please review!


End file.
